Mission 17 Addendum: (the pics)

Mission 17: Sons of Invention.

I know you think we're pretty amazing. We know we do. We've been working really hard lately, what with entering the sixth month of our integration into this tribal society and all, it's been a busy time. We want you to know that though we care about each and every one of you, and your feelings regarding us, we cannot always be there for you. You see, we have been busy. Busy inventing.
What, you ask? What have those two daring travellers from beyond time been doing with their precious hours between daylight and dusk?
Well, for one thing we have been inventing the concept of teeth. While teeth may seem to be something that you see every day on the street, at the park, or on the floor, they don't just appear magically. These things take a great deal of time and energy to produce. We haven't had a breakthrough yet, but we're close. Alarmingly close.
I myself have been inventing a new type of scream which involves using my entire lung capacity, whereas my shipmate Vaughn has been inventing a new form of drool, so epic, so prolific, it can cover a square foot of fabric in minutes. Feel honored to be reading this. we are pioneers in our fields.
We have also been inventing sitting up, and brace yourselves; eating solids. Mind you, the solids are in the form of a soupy mixture of rice and formula, but hey, no teeth, remember?
Eating is a complex ritual that involves one or two of the parents sitting us down and preparing us food. We then utilize a complex tool called a spoon. I have watched, and it seems to be a rite of passage to graduate from spoon to another device called a fork. We will attempt to rise in the tribal hierarchy until we can use said instrument, but untill then we will have to make do with this spoon thing. It's a tricky device, involving physics and all kinds of other things probably too hard for you to understand. We have also been studying with great interest the way the parents masticate, using their jaw muscles in a ritualistic motion that enables large and tough pieces of food to be digested. We have been mimicking these motions, but the parents seem wary. Instead they have been giving us many strange things to practice these motions on, including various pieces of fabric, objects that have been chilled, and the occasional finger. It has been a busy time, but I believe we are both integrating, and ingratiating to the hosts.
Our trans-time digital image uploader is recharging, so please return later to see the current images we have captured in the name of history.
Oh! Also, we seem to have invented toes! I don't know if there's already a patent out on those, but they are pretty revolutionary.

Intermission...

COME RIDE THE LIGHTNING!



GIVE IN TO YOUR INSTINCTS...






WE'RE IRRESISTIBLE!

Mission 16; The Thrill-a-thon.

We will amaze and delight you. Our powers are sublime. We walk where angels fear to tread. We are truly mighty, my partner and I.




OUR PARENTS ON THE OTHER HAND...



Hoo boy I could write a blog, I tells ya.

Well here's the heads up. As of February 12 we are still hale and healthy boys with a good dose of awesome sauce thrown in. The mind control nanobots have all been assimilated into our bloodstream with no ill side effects. they continue to inject us with new nanobots every visit to the doctor, and yet we resist every time.

I for one am proud of everything we have accomplished thus far. My shipmate however took it upon himself to one up every thing he has done and picked a fight with gravity. Gravity won of course, but I think both Gravity and Vaughn came away with a little respect for eachother from this encounter. Our parents screamed, and were properly terrified of Vaughn's incredible agility, and proceeded to ice his skull where he made the strongest contact with the floor. he sang a good five minute fight song and I was proud of him.

We then all took a quick trip to the doctor's office. I was unclear as to what this was about, but the parents seemed quite concerned for Vaughn. The doctor took a good long look at Vaughn and did several neurostimulation tests with him before pronouncing what he, and I already knew. Vaughn was fine. The doctor then sat back and smiled at our parents. He said "Get ready for this kind of thing as time progresses!" I wasn't clear on the nuance of that statement, but our parents both turned white (or whiter in Dad's case).

I guess I felt a bit of professional jealousy over Vaughn's little stunt, so I have decided to make it known to the parents that I have the ability to turn over onto my stomach and scream really, really, really, loud. That's right. All those calisthenics weren't in vain after all. The parents don't seem as excited about that as they did about Vaughn's little stunt, but in time I think they will learn to appreciate what I can do.

I can also hold a brightly colored wooden thing!


I can almost sit up! By myself!


I mean, yeah sure, Vaughn can too, But I mean it! you've got to mean it. Otherwise it's just charlatanism.


(why does Dad always choose the picture where I'm not doing awesome things? He always goes for my sedate pics!)

Mission 15; Year's End. 3 Months in...

Greetings from us to you! Today my shipmate Vaughn and I have been taking inventory of the adventure so far. Lots to mull over as we sip on our ''08 single malt Similac. One thing is for certain. We are terrifyingly good looking. We hit our three month mark of our journey on the 29th. We can hardly believe how fast the time goes by. We are sure the parental types agree!

There's a lot of talk around the house about preparing for the coming year. The parents have been cleaning house and throwing out trash. Dad seems a little less glum now that he doesn't have to be crisp for Crispness time any more. Mom seems excited about the upcoming year and the new president's inauguration. (We promise that's going to be one to watch!) Dad keeps mentioning something about setting off explosives in the parking lot. We think he must be joking as that is simply crazy. Who blows things up? Honestly?

Apparently there is great sadness in the world as well, people arguing, people going hungry, culture clashes, and even people without homes. Let's try to take them into account as we progress forward. Perhaps I will cry for others suffering in the world now in addition to my own woes. Vaughn has offered to donate his share of formula, as he really wants to keep his svelte profile under control. I say he's crazy, and that the babes really dig the zaftig figure I currently sport. Who knows for sure? To the winner go the spoils! Sorry if our repertoire seems a bit callous, but hey, we're babies after all!

So we've been discussing resolutions. I asked Vaughn what he'd like make his resolution. He thought for a second and said "1200 dpi." I'm not going to try to shoot for anything that grandiose. I'm gonna just go with 300. It looks best in print, from what I understand.

To cap off the end of this year's journey we provide you with pictures of us at 3 months so you can see what makes us just so good!
Aloha, and Mahalo Nui Loa to everyone for taking us into your hearts and minds! See you in 2009!

Mission 14; High Tidings

What's up true believers, die-hard fans, and general people of high integrity. Today we are back to tell you about a cultural event we attended called the birthday party. This display of pure hedonism took place in honor of our friend the Pottery Barn Kids cover boy The Riley Gillespie's 2nd birthday. Quite an event. We were excited to see our celebrity friend again, but apparently at the age of two he has converted into a being of pure energy and was moving at the speed of light. I'm sure he was having a good time though. He received many gifts, as I understand is the ritual in such cases. It seemed like a fine time was had by all. So My shipmate and I decided to try to join in by singing our finest fightsongs, which I guess our parents took as a sign to leave the party. Ignorant wretches. The Riley! We wish you the very best in your next transcendental state! While on the topic of gifts, we have noticed of late that our parents seem very anxious about the subject of Crispness
We are unclear what this might be about since they tend to like their clothes wrinkled. They keep saying things like "what should we do about Crispness" and "I am afraid of Crispness, I want to hide under the covers." We are a bit confused, as nothing in this house seems very crisp, what with the humidity. This may be the reason that Mom has bought several new pairs of boxer shorts for Dad, and it could be why Dad hid that lovely sweater in that tissue paper, but who can be sure? All we know is that Crispness is a state of mind. We'd love to tell them that, but we don't want to interfere in a household drama that we find so entertaining.
So instead we will try to be like The Riley Gillespie and attempt to move faster than the speed of light.

Mission 13; Salad Days.

Look, we'll level with you. This hasn't been easy. I've had to gain a LOT of weight to keep up appearances, and my shipmate Vaughn hasn't been a slouch either. So you better understand, we're doing this for you.. You demanded more, and so here we are in our full glory. Hope you can appreciate what we go through to get you this kind of bleeding edge documentation.

Speaking of bleeding edges, those who have been keeping track (you know who you are, loyal readers!) will know that a second month has passed since we last wrote a full entry. It's true. We've been integrated into the family tribe for yet another month. What have we learned??

THE WORLD IS DANGEROUS! How dangerous you ask? Well so dangerous that the parents felt it prudent to hire a bodyguard a couple days a week for what seem to be the most dangerous hours of the those days. Everyone knows Mondays and Fridays are dangerous, right? Our parents say its so that they can "get things done" or "sleep", but we know the truth. We know how lazy these savages really are, and how easy it might be for them to leave the door open and have us consumed by wild animals, or possibly get so hungry that they accidentally eat us. Believe you me, with these cheeks, I know that Dad is eyeing me with more than affection in his mind. I know he's thinking how delicious I mig-but I digress.

The parents have hired a bodyguard named Sonda. Shes a friendly sort, who we estimate to be about 14 feet tall. At least as tall as Dad. she is very energetic and utters quaint colloquiallisms such as "y'all", "woohooo", and "Gators rule!" She refers to us as the "peanuts" which we figure is because like the wonderful shelled dicotyledon, twins often seem to be close to one another. Vaughn assures me it is not because she (like Dad) thinks we are delicious. He says that he has hypnotized her with his stunning good looks, and I am inclined to believe him. After all, he's gotten her to change his diaper on more than one occasion.

The other sign that the world is dangerous is that we made another visit to the Doctor. Once again, we were tricked into a false sense of security (Vaughn going so far as to show off his newly developed neck muscles) and we got the double whammy. A vaccination on each leg! The past is apparently riddled with diseases. We surmise that the full body latex suits really don't catch on until Prince Regent Obama the third comes into power...
What? Why are you looking at me like that Vaughn? Ohhh. Um. disregard the last sentence please. Here look at these pictures!

whew. That was close!