Mission 15; Year's End. 3 Months in...

Greetings from us to you! Today my shipmate Vaughn and I have been taking inventory of the adventure so far. Lots to mull over as we sip on our ''08 single malt Similac. One thing is for certain. We are terrifyingly good looking. We hit our three month mark of our journey on the 29th. We can hardly believe how fast the time goes by. We are sure the parental types agree!

There's a lot of talk around the house about preparing for the coming year. The parents have been cleaning house and throwing out trash. Dad seems a little less glum now that he doesn't have to be crisp for Crispness time any more. Mom seems excited about the upcoming year and the new president's inauguration. (We promise that's going to be one to watch!) Dad keeps mentioning something about setting off explosives in the parking lot. We think he must be joking as that is simply crazy. Who blows things up? Honestly?

Apparently there is great sadness in the world as well, people arguing, people going hungry, culture clashes, and even people without homes. Let's try to take them into account as we progress forward. Perhaps I will cry for others suffering in the world now in addition to my own woes. Vaughn has offered to donate his share of formula, as he really wants to keep his svelte profile under control. I say he's crazy, and that the babes really dig the zaftig figure I currently sport. Who knows for sure? To the winner go the spoils! Sorry if our repertoire seems a bit callous, but hey, we're babies after all!

So we've been discussing resolutions. I asked Vaughn what he'd like make his resolution. He thought for a second and said "1200 dpi." I'm not going to try to shoot for anything that grandiose. I'm gonna just go with 300. It looks best in print, from what I understand.

To cap off the end of this year's journey we provide you with pictures of us at 3 months so you can see what makes us just so good!
Aloha, and Mahalo Nui Loa to everyone for taking us into your hearts and minds! See you in 2009!

Mission 14; High Tidings

What's up true believers, die-hard fans, and general people of high integrity. Today we are back to tell you about a cultural event we attended called the birthday party. This display of pure hedonism took place in honor of our friend the Pottery Barn Kids cover boy The Riley Gillespie's 2nd birthday. Quite an event. We were excited to see our celebrity friend again, but apparently at the age of two he has converted into a being of pure energy and was moving at the speed of light. I'm sure he was having a good time though. He received many gifts, as I understand is the ritual in such cases. It seemed like a fine time was had by all. So My shipmate and I decided to try to join in by singing our finest fightsongs, which I guess our parents took as a sign to leave the party. Ignorant wretches. The Riley! We wish you the very best in your next transcendental state! While on the topic of gifts, we have noticed of late that our parents seem very anxious about the subject of Crispness
We are unclear what this might be about since they tend to like their clothes wrinkled. They keep saying things like "what should we do about Crispness" and "I am afraid of Crispness, I want to hide under the covers." We are a bit confused, as nothing in this house seems very crisp, what with the humidity. This may be the reason that Mom has bought several new pairs of boxer shorts for Dad, and it could be why Dad hid that lovely sweater in that tissue paper, but who can be sure? All we know is that Crispness is a state of mind. We'd love to tell them that, but we don't want to interfere in a household drama that we find so entertaining.
So instead we will try to be like The Riley Gillespie and attempt to move faster than the speed of light.

Mission 13; Salad Days.

Look, we'll level with you. This hasn't been easy. I've had to gain a LOT of weight to keep up appearances, and my shipmate Vaughn hasn't been a slouch either. So you better understand, we're doing this for you.. You demanded more, and so here we are in our full glory. Hope you can appreciate what we go through to get you this kind of bleeding edge documentation.

Speaking of bleeding edges, those who have been keeping track (you know who you are, loyal readers!) will know that a second month has passed since we last wrote a full entry. It's true. We've been integrated into the family tribe for yet another month. What have we learned??

THE WORLD IS DANGEROUS! How dangerous you ask? Well so dangerous that the parents felt it prudent to hire a bodyguard a couple days a week for what seem to be the most dangerous hours of the those days. Everyone knows Mondays and Fridays are dangerous, right? Our parents say its so that they can "get things done" or "sleep", but we know the truth. We know how lazy these savages really are, and how easy it might be for them to leave the door open and have us consumed by wild animals, or possibly get so hungry that they accidentally eat us. Believe you me, with these cheeks, I know that Dad is eyeing me with more than affection in his mind. I know he's thinking how delicious I mig-but I digress.

The parents have hired a bodyguard named Sonda. Shes a friendly sort, who we estimate to be about 14 feet tall. At least as tall as Dad. she is very energetic and utters quaint colloquiallisms such as "y'all", "woohooo", and "Gators rule!" She refers to us as the "peanuts" which we figure is because like the wonderful shelled dicotyledon, twins often seem to be close to one another. Vaughn assures me it is not because she (like Dad) thinks we are delicious. He says that he has hypnotized her with his stunning good looks, and I am inclined to believe him. After all, he's gotten her to change his diaper on more than one occasion.

The other sign that the world is dangerous is that we made another visit to the Doctor. Once again, we were tricked into a false sense of security (Vaughn going so far as to show off his newly developed neck muscles) and we got the double whammy. A vaccination on each leg! The past is apparently riddled with diseases. We surmise that the full body latex suits really don't catch on until Prince Regent Obama the third comes into power...
What? Why are you looking at me like that Vaughn? Ohhh. Um. disregard the last sentence please. Here look at these pictures!

whew. That was close!

Smile!!!

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program for a few SMILES! provided by Jax and Vaughn!

Visit with Grandpa Davis

Mission 12: A walk in the park.

Hello loyal fans of our awesome-ness! How are things! No pictures today as Dad is busy being lazy again. We hear that people are pleased with the recent political upheaval. That's cool. We are happy for you! Of course, being from the future we knew about the election and our latest president, but we coudln't reveal the results of said election without disturbing the spacetime continuum, you understand. Just wait till March 2010 though! Hoo boy, will that be a shocker!
umm...anyway. The latest news with us is that we met the tribal shaman known as the "Doctor" for this locale. He was somewhat more gentle with us than the last doctor, so we didn't attempt to scare him with our fighting songs. Boy was that a mistake! He caught us off guard with some sort of hypodermic injection which supposedly
"protects us from diseases!" Ha! I know mind control serum when I see it!
The appointment seemed to satisfy our parents though, who then took us to watch them vote. How quaint!
What else is new... Oh! We met a young fellow named Finn Gillespie yesterday. He looked like a pretty cool customer. We didn't get to talk much, as he had recently visited doctor as well for his tribal initiation. We are keeping him on our radar as a potential ally and accomplice though!
Today Mom took us to the park so that we could get some air. This agreed with us nicely and we have felt well rested and cheerful. We figured we should cut Mom some slack, what with our fussiness from the "vaccination". Aren't we the greatest?
We will return with pictures next report. Until then Happy New Term, we welcome our cybernetic overlords! (Oh wait, that's later.)

Mission 11: The Big Freak Out

Hello again loyal readers! What is up? We are keeping it real like you couldn't believe. Today we participated in an ancient tribal ritual celebrated by the father figure in our tribal unit. It was called Halloween. It seemed pretty interesting, involving facepaint and body modifications, with a healthy dose of gourd mutilation, of which we are always in favor!

However, it appears Dad was too lazy/unmotivated/cheap to buy a gourd, so he used a persimmon. Whatever!

(Parents note: Happy 1st Anniversary, Gemma & Brian!)

It is important to note that we have reached one month in our research mission thus far. the Parents are extremely pleased that we have decided to hang out with them, and have arranged some meetings with various members of their tribe. So far none of them have smelled too bad, but we are convinced that the male named "Watanabe" has the ability to make Vaughn empty his bowels on command. I am cautious, but intrigued!

As we suspect is custom in such tribal inductions, the parents have received quite a few gifts from other member of their extended tribe. For this we can only thrive, and we thank you all! Great work everyone! Your efforts are not in vain!
to further thank you we submit some pictures of ourselves, as we know these are treasured more than many stocks at their current value.

zen styles

Frankenfish

Mission 10: Strangers in a strange land.

What up peeps! We have arrived at our new headquarters. It was an easy trip from Colorado to here, only seven speedy hours spent mostly sleeping! That must have been so nice for Mom and Dad! All they had to do was hold us! Some times I think we let them get off too easy. Anyway, we arrived in Honolulu, to the smell of deisel and flowers. Then we met Tutu and the GJ. These are the parents of our Dad. We saluted them by giving a rousing fight song we used at the "Doctor's" office* for the entire ride to our new base of operations. I'm sure they were overwhelmed, as GJ spent most of the ride in a stunned silence.

This is apparently our tribal homeland, and Mother shed tears of joy to have returned. We have noticed mostly that everything is extremely green and it stays light a lot later than it used to. Also there is this peculiar sensation that Dad refers to as "humidity" My shipmate and I have been rather moist of late, which I think really brings out the essence of our body smells. Mom must be impressed. I notice her eyes cross when she changes us now!

So far so good! We will have more to report as soon as the situations develop!






*see Mission 8

Vaughn's thought of the day pt. 2....

I make joke!

Vaughn's thought of the day...

Yeah, you'd better run.

Mission 9: Physical Endurance Tests

As anyone from the future knows, the past hasn't always been wine and roses. My shipmate Vaughn and I were prepared to travel to a time where even the most basic hoverchairs did not exist yet. We knew that people went from one place to another using their legs What we weren't quite sure about, was when did the endurance training begin?




Yeah. That's right. It began the day after the second visit to the "Doctor". Mom and Dad woke us up at the evil hour of 12 in the afternoon to do these rude calisthenics they condescendingly refer to as "lying on the tummy". Make no mistake, the training was tough and long, and we worked hard to resist the mighty force known as gravity. Needless to say, we passed with flying colors. I figure that was enough of a demonstration to prove to the parents that we are capable and adaptive! Mission accomplished, right Mom and Dad?

Mission 8: Why? WHYYYYYY?

We have another visit to the Tribal shaman known as the "Doctor" today. In preparation for this ordeal, my shipmate and I decided to undergo some ritualistic body modifications. Vaughn attempted to scar his face with his fingernails, in a contemporary style much to the horror of our parental hosts, who then clipped the nails he had honed so carefully. I gave "Mom" a nice temporary tattoo with my mouth on her inner arm. She didn't seem pleased with this at all. We then used our own bodies to digest that magical substance called mother's milk to produce a most interesting color that we thought we could stain our backsides with, but the "Parents" rejected this immediately and wiped us vigorously. We don't understand why they rejected all our ideas. Vaughn surmises it must have something to do with a pure and clean body equaling a sound and ready mind. One thing is for certain. We will give the "Doctor" the fights of our lives. I hope our "Parents" will be proud!

By the way, a marked improvement in both the sky and temperature has soothed our dark moods! but they've done something odd to the mountains in the distance...

Mission 7: Blech!

^ this shot taken at 10:40 am!


The "Parents" have decreed the weather to be lousy. We tend to agree. "Mom" misses her homeland more and more. "Dad" doesn't seem to mind the weather so much, but that could be because he's so incredibly hairy. More research needs to be conducted. We're on the side of "Mom" here. Currently, we are fantasizing about the idea of a tropical climate.

Mission 6: Street Cred!

Yesterday the hosts natives we call the Parents went deep into the wilderness of these lands and procured some forms from the tribal authorities. Apparently these documents prove that we are the property of the Parents, via blood ties. we are sort of confused by the need for these papers, but the Parents were thrilled. Hurrah for them, we guess? Our guess is no one in this time period has genetic ID tags yet. What-ever!

All in all, it's a good thing! it means we are officially the responsibility of these host people! Yay! No more having to forage for food, or find our way in the dark for the bathroom! (not that we were...yet)

Vaughn and I believe this occasion marks the true introduction into the Roster tribe. From here on out, our mission becomes perilous, as the further we get within the family circle, the more emotionally involved we potentially become to these savages. So, I guess Vaughn is probably going to have to strike a few things off his list of experiements he wanted to perform for the good of science. Sorry, future science people!

Mission 5: The Motherlode!

"party time!"

Welcome back faithful readers! We duly apologize for the lack of our presence last post. These poor barbarians, you really have to admire their brevity in the face of things beyond their scope!
When last we left you we had endured the visit to the tribal shaman known as the Doctor. Since then we have experienced a visit from two tribal elders known as Aunty Joanie and Uncle Frank. These people were very interesting. The hosts treated them with great reverence, so we assume they must be the local authorities. They, of course noted our natural beauty and remarked on how fine we looked. They then chatted and shared lovely looking things called meatballs and croissants with the host people. It seemed like a fine time. We mostly stared at the wall and various sundry objects in the room.

Tonight we experienced something called a "dinner party", Hrm, perhaps that isn't the right term. Let me confer with Vaughn. It looks like the term I am supposed to use is the "get-together" This involved members of various social groupings and their respective young arriving at one tribal domicile (in this case it was the surrogate family household) and socializing over food and beverages. This act seems to be a good way to spread news, gossip, or germs. We spent most of the situation in a false stupor studying the tribal members interact. They of course thought our little ruse to be adorable and spent most of their time holding us and making scrunched up smiles at eachother.

The natives were nice enough, and we did meet another surrogate host of a time traveller who was really quite exciting. Her name was Ria. She seemed very hip to the idea of bringing visitors from the future to her time. She apparently plans to serve as a vessel once again in the near future. Kudos to her! The more of us here in the past the better outlook the future has! We know this for a fact! At any rate, we stayed beyond our designated research time (Observer Effect don't you know!) And voiced our disapproval with the hosts on the ride back to our temporary housing.

Regarding the temporary housing, the hosts seem very keen to return to a place they call "home" we are unclear what this could mean, for as far as we are aware, This land known as Colorado is the only place we know. This could be a clue to the behaviour of our hosts. Perhaps there is more to this. We will keep you posted.

Ah! I almost forgot! We have to thank our friend Amy the surrogate for not only the vital role she provided by bringing us to this time in history, but also for this amazing nutritious fluid we have termed "mother's milk". Those of you in the future may compare it to the "Mother's Milk"© made by Exxo-MacWalbucks & Noble. We drink this stuff as if our lives depended on it! after some careful study, My shipmate and I have come to believe that the highly addictive sports drink from the future is actually cloned human milk and caffeine. More research must be done!

Parent's Log (supplemental)

Hey, this is the parents of Jax and Vaughn, Cade & Waileia. We were allowed to post this time, because the translation device the boys used seems to have broken somewhere in the past twenty four hours. Cade tried to fix it, but his brain is currently retaining about ten percent of the total ten percent we humans use for conscious thought. So please bear with our primitive blogging skills!

Thanks to everyone who has been sending us good thought, food, and support! You all rock! The boys have been well taken care of because of love and gifts you people have provided, and advice you have given. All we can give you is our humblest thanks and love, and of course pictures of these astonishing newcomers. They have been keeping us super busy (no surprise to any parents out there, we're sure!)

In case people are wondering, we have had problems with our mail server, and have not able to make direct email contact with a lot of people, and so we thought the blog would be the next best way to do so. Please feel free to share this blog address with anyone you might think would like to see it!
So without further ado, please enjoy some more pictures of the boys! (Jax is the one in blue, and Vaughn is the one in green, except where Jax is wearing green and Vaughn is in blue...Vaughn may be easier to spot by his more "serene" demeanor?)

Mission 4: Rite of Passage! (warning contains depictions that may be too graphic for sensitive readers!)

Unfortunately, our image capture device was unable to record anything of this epic event but let me tell you it was horrific.

Apparently the natives of this time period conduct terrifying shamanistic rituals on newcomers called "Check-ups" This is a brutal and savage process where an appointed tribal member known as the "Doctor" demands that the tribal newcomer disrobe in a small, cold brightly lit room, and be subjected to bizarre and excrutiating acts of barbarism. My companion and I were poked, groped and prodded, even bled (a process apparently to check our supposed bilirubin levels, Ha, Ha! I say!) until this demonic person was appeased.

I and my shipmate were sure we would pass their tests with flying colors, but we couldn't let on to the natives that we were of a superior state of mind, so we played along and cried and howled like animals.

The host natives seemed very happy with the results of our rite of passage, and we have been further inducted into this tribe we have now termed "the family". It's astounding how these natives appreciate the wisdom of this "doctor" shamanic type character, but such are the ways of the ancient past.

We then travelled to a small station where the natives who put out fires are housed, to check on our primitive transport seats. The female native we have termed "Mom" swooned upon the sight of these humans, and the one we call "dad" seemed to take their words very seriously. Curious.

We also payed a visit to the one we call the "surrogate" at her family domicle, which was indeed interesting. They treated us with respect and gave us delicious food and massages. We would probably return there, if forced.

The horrid "doctor" figure later called our hosts and reported that the supposed bilirubin levels in our systems are in her words; "Great!". this was a huge relief to our hosts, and we were treated with warm and delicious beverages, and massages.
I suppose that makes up for the trials we have faced in some token gesture. We await our next mission with a mix of excitement and trepidation!

Mission 3: Impress the Natives with our Superior Dances and Snappy Attire.

The Mission is a success! We have entered a temporary housing establishment, and our working our way into the tribe. so far they suspect nothing!

Mission 2: Greet the Locals

This mission was astonishingly dangerous, as our diminutive scale put us in potential jeapoardy, should the locals become hungry. My shipmate and I narrowly escaped several attempts at cannibalism by the hairy one we nicknamed "Dad". Notice how his Cro-magnon brow nearly covers his entire face! Astounding that we are descended from humanoids such as these! The females of course were easily transfixed by our obvious good looks.

Mission 1: Enter the new world.

GREETINGS
As all of our loyal fanbase in the 21st century already know, My shipmate Vaughn and I, Jax Roster, made an gallant attempt to travel into the past. We arrived early, as our scheduled date of arrival was October 6, 2008 A.D. There was some sort of strange paradox with the spacetime continuum(so what else is new, am I right?) and we arrived on the date 29 September, 2008. Our scheduled and appointed meeting with our unsuspecting hosts ended up happening anyway through no mean circumstance.
Vaughn and I are still amazed how these creatures are able to travel from one dwelling to another without teleportation!
We began our journey using a futuristic, and complex method known as Surrogacy where the genetic material of our descendents is transplanted into the womb of a willing and able volunteer, who then carries the fertilized material for almost four dozen weeks! Mind boggling, I know, but it's really the best way to travel through time!
As I said previously, the creatures we were supposed to make contact with were still in transit when we arrived at the correct time and place, so we spent some time entertaining and studying our attractive and demure womb host and her compassionate mate. they seemed strangely used to our method of travel. Perhaps they have already participated in this phenomenon of surrogacy!?! ASTOUNDING!